Is Forgiveness for You or Others?
I’m sure most of us have endured endless offenses throughout our journey of life. Some may come across as harmless and others are well… just plainly unforgivable. But what happens when you consciously intend to forgive your offender but deep down you can’t let go of the pain, sorrow and harm the offense has caused you? What if you are not even aware you are carrying this offense? What if it is just too deep to even face? What then?
One of my many brilliant doctors once said to me… cancer is a symptom of conflict. Since then, I have meditated on this concept and it is my personal opinion based on all the research I’ve done, everything I have witnessed and learned during my healing walk, that cancer is truly a symptom of imbalance. As dreadful as it sounds, cancer is an extended invitation to bring order and balance to yourself. Most of us before diagnosed don’t even recognize the warning signs that our bodies give us. We undermine our intuition because we may refuse to sacrifice our comfort, our familiarity, codependent relationships, toxic behavior, our image or it is just too scary to take responsibility for ourselves.
This new year has kicked off with much hope and optimism for what’s ahead. I’m grounded and intentional to lead my life from a place of freedom, love, peace and unity. Now just because I am there, it doesn’t mean everyone else is. What happens if you forgive your offender and the offense continues? Or if the offender takes no responsibility for his/her actions? What if the offender doesn’t honor you by discrediting your feelings? What if…?
I used to play victim for as long as I can remember, allowing myself to dwell on the wrongdoings of others in my life. Playing the same toxic cycle over and over again unable to recognize how much this was ultimately hurting me. I was trapped in my own vicious unhealthy cycle without me knowing it.
Well, I have had enough!
A recent incident earlier in the year pushed me over edge. It actually forced me to take a deep glance as to my current state of toxic patterns and forced me to grow up. There… I said it, I am growing up! I am learning to set boundaries, to honor my feelings, to give myself permission to be angry if I feel it and learning to surrender it all to my Heavenly Father. I am learning to forgive myself when I mess up and to allow myself to try again. I am learning to live in the moment with much gratitude and to be gentle with my thoughts. I am learning to value me and stop anyone that may want to take it away from me.
The journey of life is a constant learning process and there is no shame in it. I am grateful as to how God has allowed this diagnosis to help me bring much needed order into my life. I’ve been on a healing journey for almost 4 years now and even though I have shed many tears, I have battled fear and endured many difficult moments, my story is telling me that I have a choice as to how I will continue to live from now on despite the wrongdoings of others. I choose to forgive for me, for my health, for my life. I choose to thrive!
How about you? Are you holding on to the past or toxic relationships? I honor your courage to share with me.
I was created to walk in daily victory despite my past or current circumstances.